According to pathology experts, between 60 and 150 million people experience narcissistic abuse in the US alone. While separating and healing from narcissistic abuse takes time and effort, you need to understand that first, it isn't your fault.
Such a toxic relationship will likely make you see yourself as the problem. As a result, you feel depleted, deflated, depressed, confused, and frustrated. In extreme cases, you may feel hopeless and unlovable, which keeps you stuck.
When you're going through a divorce with a narcissist, you're bound to deal with overwhelming emotions such as anger, depression, and suicidal thoughts. When your narcissist seems to have moved on to someone new, you might even feel worse about yourself.
You find yourself asking questions like:
- Why do they get to live the life I deserve?
- Why am I not good enough?
- What could I have done differently?
For most people, their appetite for revenge gets rekindled. At that moment, they want to get someone new in their life to prove to their narcissistic ex that they are happy. Posting tons of half-naked pictures on social media hoping that your ex will see it and want you back, or perhaps continually talking to your friends about your ex, or even stalking your ex on social media.
How to become the narcissist's worst nightmare
To deal with your narcissistic ex without lifting a finger, you need to become indifferent to their existence. Unfortunately, most people think being publicly hateful is the best. But the opposite of love isn't hated but rather 'indifference'.
And that is the one thing that narcissists don't want. Once you become indifferent to their existence, they can no longer control you. Being indifferent means completely cutting them out of your life by deleting their phone number, blocking them on social media, returning all their stuff, or donating them if they fail to pick it up.
If you already have kids, the above still applies, except you might still have their phone number. However, try as much as possible to avoid direct contact. If there must be communication between you and your narcissistic ex, arrange with your lawyer, mediator, or counselor to help finalize your separation.
If by any means you don't have a third party to help, converse only through text and be formal as much as possible. Whatever you do, do not answer the phone call.
Being indifferent when you still care can be challenging. But what will help you immensely is understanding narcissism, the abuse cycle, and the toxic tactics they used on you. When you embark on uncovering their behavior, you're likely to have an 'aha' moment as you begin to recognize the patterns.
If you're about to break free from a narcissistic spouse or are already in the process, you need the best divorce attorney at your side. Feel free to call or fill out our contact form to book an appointment.